he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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