im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
