he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
