Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you still have your period?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
