hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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