Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
