He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
