Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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