I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
