you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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