When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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