the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
