she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear god my vagina.
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