just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
