i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
