i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
