...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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