So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
