All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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