so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
