I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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