He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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