I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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