Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
