quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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