I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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