Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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