I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
