I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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