I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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