I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
