We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
