We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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