Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
