took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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