her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
