You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
