You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
