So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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