I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am mentally ready for anal.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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