Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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