What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
