Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
