Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
