Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
