I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
