You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
