my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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