apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
