Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
