Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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