remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
