Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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