When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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