Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
