Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
