This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
