my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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