you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
