I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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