I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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